Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
