we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
