soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
BRING THE BAGELS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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