Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
