I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
is that a dick in a sweater?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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