I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
