i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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