just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
