forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
