Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Buhtt sex?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
