all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
