you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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