Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
