had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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