my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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