Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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