took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
