I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
