the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
