I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
