we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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