Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
