I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You did what with his pubic hair?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
