A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There r osticjed everywhere
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
