I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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