Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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