I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
