WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize