Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
