I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
