Swine flu is the new snow day.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
