apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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