she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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