If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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