You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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