The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
