Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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