i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
