Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
