First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
