Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
