I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Holy sore nipples Batman
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
