but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
