need another drink. this is the easiest way
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
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I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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