When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
