I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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