dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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