Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
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I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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