good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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