and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
