Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
