the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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