Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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