The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Are my feet made of real feet?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
