I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Houston, we have a blender
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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