I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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