obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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