PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
