i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
