When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
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Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
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Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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