We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
