Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Ketchup is God's man juice
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
