She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
