that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
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i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize