a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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