how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
