What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
