alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Someone shattered a urinal.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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