does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
