Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
