don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
