are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
