One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
