Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
