That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
