ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
