Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
